It Just Came Over Me

​I was sitting here, for no reason, looking at photos of my Akua…..sobbing.  Ugly face, mascara melting sobbing.   Gawd damnit I miss her so much.  It still absolutely hurts my heart.  Yes, it was January 22nd, only 6 months ago.  But I hate that she is not here with me.  (She’s here with me, but not physically). 
 
I tell my Sacred Embers clients all of the time, “It never gets better, only different”.  But I don’t want to deal with that myself on a personal level.   It makes me so very sad. I don’t want to have to feel those feelings.  I want to literally pet her fur and “force” her to let me hold her and play hide-and-seek with her and go through hundreds of dollars of cat food that she refuses to eat even though she ate it last week.  I want her to chase me down the hall and jump up and hit me in the ass because I am clearly not paying enough attention to her. 
 
I “see” her all of the time here.  I feel her here all of the time.  But it isn’t the same.  And no, I am not getting another pet.  Akua was my heart kitty.  She was the end.  The grand finale.  With my friends I have pet fixes and with my Sacred Embers clients I help you through your losses………..I’m good.  Just having a moment. 
 
There will probably be more moments.  But I really try not to share that. 
See you later Akua….you damn Diva.

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