A Journal of the Heart...
Today I had to put my beautiful kitty Akua to sleep. My world will never be the same.
I work with people about their own losses of their pets and people and it always touches me deeply. And I have deeply loved every pet that I have ever had and my heart would shatter with each loss, but Akua was different for me. She was my heart kitty. There was a different type of bond with her.
When I got her I had gone for a year without any pets. And she was introduced to me and I knew she was mine. She was a beautiful little Bengal that was being fostered. She was quite sick and they think that a breeder had thrown her out to die. I ended up bringing her home after the usual steps of spaying, etc. She was still sick but being with me seemed to help her health return. Akua was always kind of wild. And people said that Bengals are different than other cats. THAT was definitely the truth! I had never had a kitty like her! She acted like a dog most of the time. She would greet me at the door when I got home, give me a few loves and then off she would go. If I had the nerve to talk on the phone in her presence she would run up behind me and jump up and slap me in the butt with her paws. She was always gentle and loving. Never biting or scratching. If she got a little frisky while playing, all I would have to say is “gentle” and she would be more gentle. Her favorite toy was peacock feathers and she could leap high in the sky. She was a trickster and “naughty” in a good way. She had a sense of humor too. We would play peek-a-boo that was also a little like hide-and-seek. All I would have to say is “peek-a-boo” and she would run to hide. When my daughter was around here and I would have my grandog over, Akua and Frites would chase eachother and play and have so much fun! Akua would also do her best to antagonize him. She had a teddy bear that was Frites and she would kick the crap out of that thing if I said, “Where’s Frites?” She never treated Frites like that but it was so funny to watch her beat the hell out of that teddy bear! She was so stinkin’ smart! She would sit at the window where I have a hummingbird feeder and the hummingbirds would literally come up and hover in front of her face. So sweet.
Akua was THE pickiest eater EVER!!!! I cannot tell you how many dollars of cat food I went through to make her happy. And once I found something she liked I’d buy several and then she would decide she didn’t really like it afterall. She never had an accident, and always used her catbox, no matter what.
When I very first got her I heard a voice say “you won’t have her for very long”. I pushed that thought away because almost all of my cats have lived to the late teens or into their 20’s. She was an indoor only cat and she got the best food and care and love…………so of course she would live a long and fabulous life! Well, we got the fabulous part in but only 5 years of it. I would have loved another 20 with her but now I just have to accept that she will visit me and be by my side always……..in a different way.
I firmly believe in not putting a pet (or person) through treatments when in your gut you know it’s bad. I had mentioned a few months ago to my daughter that Akua didn’t seem like herself and I thought she may have lost a little weight but I was in the process of getting rid of things and preparing for a move and selling our home, so chalked it up to stress. But things continued to decline and the picky eating turned into not eating or drinking and if she ate she threw that up. Her weight continued to plummet and the vet tried some other things but I knew in my gut that this wasn’t something that would get better. In talking to a friend that has good knowledge, she is betting that she had cancer. She was suffering. Sure, the vet thinks he failed me because he couldn’t tell me what was going on. But I told him it doesn’t matter, I know she can’t come back from this and I refuse to let her suffer any longer.
Today was the most kind thing that I could do for my sweet Akua. It doesn’t matter how broken hearted or difficult it is for me. She doesn’t have to hurt or suffer or feel sick or scared anymore. She can visit me. And she will often. I honored her and love her with all my heart. Not everyone has the opportunity to have their “heart” pet. I am so lucky to have experienced this, even if it was only for a short 5 years.
Be well my baby Akua.