It Just Came Over Me
I was sitting here, for no reason, looking at photos of my Akua…..sobbing. Ugly face, mascara melting sobbing. Gawd damnit I miss her so much. It still absolutely hurts my heart. Yes, it was January 22nd, only 6 months ago. But I hate that she is not here with me. (She’s here with me, but not physically).
I tell my Sacred Embers clients all of the time, “It never gets better, only different”. But I don’t want to deal with that myself on a personal level. It makes me so very sad. I don’t want to have to feel those feelings. I want to literally pet her fur and “force” her to let me hold her and play hide-and-seek with her and go through hundreds of dollars of cat food that she refuses to eat even though she ate it last week. I want her to chase me down the hall and jump up and hit me in the ass because I am clearly not paying enough attention to her.
I “see” her all of the time here. I feel her here all of the time. But it isn’t the same. And no, I am not getting another pet. Akua was my heart kitty. She was the end. The grand finale. With my friends I have pet fixes and with my Sacred Embers clients I help you through your losses………..I’m good. Just having a moment.
There will probably be more moments. But I really try not to share that.
See you later Akua….you damn Diva.
7/23/2021 09:19:24 pm
Love it....very honest and poignant. And I am at a cousin's memorial service in Wenatchee this weekend soore meaningful to me...
7/24/2021 12:51:40 am
I feel your pain Carolyn, and I'm so sorry the pain of losing your beautiful. cat is stil with you. I said the same thing last year after losing to cats in six months, i'm never getting another cat. However, I fostered a few cats, and 4 weeks ago the Humane Society that too many cats, and one of the rescue groups I was working with asked me to go down and pick a cat to foster. I picked a 10 year old cat name Claire... This may be a foster failure?
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