Just. Be. There

When someone has a tragedy or loss in their lives, friends and loved ones want to fix it.  Fix you.  It’s a natural reaction.  We want to make everything o.k. 
 
With a death, it changes you permanently and there is a process within that you must go through.  You are forever changed when a loved one dies.  And truly, it doesn’t matter if it was expected or sudden……it is still devastating.  Life changing. 
 
People are so lost when it comes to talking about death.  They don’t know what to say to those left behind when someone dies.  And sadly, people often will avoid you or disappear altogether.  They disappear because they feel the need to fix things but there is nothing that they can do.  They are lost for words too.  My advice to people when a person is experiencing the aftermath of death is to just be there.  There isn’t the need to talk about things or give advice or fix.  Just. Be. There.   Acknowledge their pain and just be present.
 
Go sit with them.  Call to say hi and check in.  Send a text.  Send an email. Those simple actions let someone know that they are still being thought of.  And even as life continues on, several weeks later they are still grieving………….their life has not really continued on.  So continue with the simple gestures, the reminders that you are still thinking about them.  They may seem so small to you but it will mean a lot to them.  To know that you haven’t forgotten.  To know that you acknowledge that they are hurting.
 
A wonderful video is available at the link below.  And the website is also full of valuable information regarding loss.
 
 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l2zLCCRT-nE
www.refugeingrief.com